Purity

Hari Kamis kemaren, temen selab, tepatnya tetangga seruangan [TS] ... nanyain tentang hukumnya jabat tangan antara wanita muslim dan laki-laki lain.

TS: Rachma, how strict it is for you to shake hand with other man?
me: . Basically, I'm not allowed to shake hand with other man, who is not my mahram.
TS: what is mahram?
me: Ngg... let's say muhrim, it's more common. Muhrim comes from the word haram, the opposite of halal, and it relates to marriage. Muhrim is someone you cannot marry with.
TS: so you are allowed to shake hand with a man because he cannot marry you??? strange logic.
me: , well ya, you can say so. I'm not allowed to shake hand with non-muhrim.
TS: Why are you not allowed to shake hand with your nonmuhrim? for example, can you shake hand with me?
me: No.
TS: why not?
me: because you're not my muhrim... [that's not an answer though ]
TS: But I already did it. I shook hand with your friends. So, how strict is that in your religion?
me: Ngg, basically it's not allowed. For example, me, if I can avoid shaking hand with non muhrim, I will not shake my hand. But, in some cases, that it will be considered impolite if I don't shake my hand, I will shake my hand.
TS: So, if I say "Rachma, it's not impolite if you don't shake hand with me. so let's shake hands"...
me: Nooooo, I will not shake my hand with you
TS: I can understand why you are not allowed to shake hand with nonmuhrim. Cause may be it will make you 'non-pure'. Sorry I couldn't find other phrase to describe that. It's understandable, really.
me: Well, yea.
TS: you know, I found some nice things about your religion. Like you said that you pray first before deciding to get married. But you can actually choose whom you want to get married with, right?
me: yes
TS: and what if I come to your father, don't worry I already have a girl friend , and say I want to marry you. Will your father give a permission?
me: No
TS: why not? is it because of the religion?
me: yes, you have to be a muslim to marry a muslim woman
TS: so if then I'm muslim, and let's say for a couple of months I come again to your father. Now, I will have permission to marry you?
me: Well, being muslim is pre-requisite to get married.
TS: so, I have to be muslim, your nonmuhrim to be able to marry you. Then, who is your muhrim?
me: Ngg...
The closest muhrim of me is my father. Well, you can say that muhrim is a representative of muslim woman when she get married
TS: A representative??? why do you need a representative?
me: . It's common when a muslim woman gets married, there should be a representative of her, of her family.
TS: Can your mom be your representative?
me: No. It can be my uncle... my..
TS: so it should be a man?
me: yes. And in marriage, actually you can marry your cousin [dunno why I mentioned this case... ]
TS: what??? are you crazy??? you know that based on genetic, it's not good, huh? it's too close. There can be some disorders and so on
me: ya, but in principal you can marry your cousin.
TS: that's crazy. You know, in Holland, that's not allowed, that's haram.
me:
TS: ya, I used your word. Marrying your cousin is haram. Some people do that, but basically that's not allowed. So some people change their family name to cover that. But it's haram, you know.
me:
TS: yeah, maybe you consider that's a usual one, but for me that's strange. I mean I like some things of your religion, it teaches a lot of nice things. But some are bad, at least that's what I think.
me: [what can I say...].
TS: so, in order to marry a muslim woman, I have to be a muslim. You are not allowed to marry a nonmuslim man
me: yes, but actually, a man is allowed to marry a woman, although if she is not a muslim. We call her 'ahli kitab'
TS: what? why??? why a man is allowed to marry... what did you say? ahli kitab?
me: yes... ahli kitab is a non muslim woman, who... nggg... [gimana sih nerangin istilah ahli kitab secara pas?]
TS: but she is a non muslim?
me: yes
TS: then why? why woman is not allowed to marry nonmuslim man, but man can marry ahli kitab
me: Nggg.... ... form psychology, man has more... ngg... more..
TS: more what?
me: I'm sorry, I call that pengaruh in Indonesia. Nggg.... 'effect'. Man can give more effects to...
TS: what??? so it's all about charisma??? I don't understand this. So man is allowed because he can affect his wife to be a muslim?
me: ya.... [mesti gimana lagi sih neranginnya?]
TS: But woman also has charisma, you know. You must be agree that woman can also make his husband become a muslim, if that's the case.
me: well... mmm... but that's the rule. [what should I say more??]
TS: I'm going to lunch. I'm leaving not because I'm mad, I'm just hungry.
me: well, that's okay with me.
TS: and you are fasting today, right?
me: yes
TS: and that is a choice?
me: yes
TS: Well, that's nice. It's also nice to have a neighbor like you.
me: Well, we can discuss. and if you have any questions, you can ask
TS: ya ya, sure.

Yak, that's it. And FYI, dia seorang yang tidak mempercayai adanya Tuhan. Yah, mudah-mudahan Allah memberi hidayah padanya.Sering sekali berdiskusi tentang Islam dengan tetangga yang satu itu, seringkali bingung nyari penjelasan yang tepat. Kadang dia bertanya tentang kewajiban pake jilbab, kadang tentang qur'an, kadang tentang sholat, betapa seringnya dia nanya tiba-tiba, dan hobi banget bertanya why and why .


Senang sekali kalo dah week end -walo besok udah senin lagi -, bisa nyantai-nyantai. Kemaren juga seneng banget denger suara temen Rachma, so familiar, hommy. Haha, jadi obat di sela rutinitas. Belum lagi topik klise yang sering berulang, yang kadang bikin Rachma mesti narik nafas panjang-panjang buat ngontrol emosi . Jadi ketika ada suara gak asing menyapa ramah, jadi kerasa nyaman, damai tentram, kertaraharja, heheheh. Curhat . Seneng ketika bisa sharing terus dapet feed back dan cerita seru, pleus nasihat. Tak lupa dikasi semangat dan dihibur biar gak sedih. Yokatta ne. As you have been being a very good friend for me, I can be the best friend ever for you.

But it's still frozen after all
Dunno how long it will take,
I don't want to demand anything
nor keeping you standby
your wing is such spreading
you are free as stated
that you can get a very good sky to fly between
as you can reach the high clouds over
we'll be there in time
we'll meet somehow
we'll see how the future might be


as we softly know each other
as the time will be the true observer
as I feel, I pray, I think, I consider
you might be tired in time
wish I can give a true support
but sadly I have no energy for that
you might need to be very patient
which sadly I do nothing for that
you might need to reconsider everything
your time, your time, your time
your own heart
sadly, deeply,
I even might need someone to navigate my own life this time
truly,
it's still frozen
unmoved yet
as you softly keep asking,
regularly approaching,
leaving a very nice footprint,
the key...
is in your hand already
too bad if you don't realize that

~ Kaligrafi, bagaimana pun desainnya, jika yang tertulis begitu familiar, tentu saja Rachma bisa membacanya ~